"Words Hurt" Game

     Another very popular game in the Words Game category, is the Words Can Hurt game. Unlike the 'Bad' words game, where the object is to become offended by certain words, the Words Can Hurt  game is more designed for creating a victim over words.

     In this game, there are no specific words that have been set aside as 'bad'. This game is based more upon words or statements that target the ego. Even more specifically, one's emotional insecurities. Especially if the words or statement have some substance of truth in it. This combined with the "I love to be a victim" game, can make for some potentially pretty ugly game scenarios.

  Words Don't Hurt

     The first thing we need to make clear is that words do not hurt!  Just Beware! Once you say this to someone, especially if they are a chronic player of the Words Hurt game, the reaction is usually very strong, very negative; and very angry.

     Let me warn you, do not argue with a Words Hurt game player. Even after attempting to explain to them why words don't hurt, time after time the explaination falls upon deaf ears, because either they do not have the capacity to understand it, or they are not going to give the game up because they enjoy what it brings them. Getting angry is a defense mechanism to make you stop.

     Telling someone that they don't have to be hurt by words if they don't want to be, threatens their position in the game. Once they understand that they are choosing to be hurt, the game can no longer be played.

     So I say it again.. "Words do not hurt!". In case you missed the lesson on the "No Such Thing As a Bad Word" game, which explained that words are merely sounds made by air passing through the voice box; then shaped by the lips, tongue, and mouth to form a specific sound. Words are neutral. They have no special powers.

     Having said that, the first question that usually pops out of a game players mouth in argument to this statement is; "What about intention?" Or, " What if someone is saying something to deliberately hurt you?"

Okay. Let's talk about that.

Intention 

     Intention and words are two different things. Intention is the purpose of an act; what someone means to accomplish. Words are merely a tool people use to accomplish that purpose. But their purpose can only be accomplished if those words mean something to the person they are saying them too. Otherwise those words will flitter harmlessly off into the land of nowhere. Clearly showing it is not the words that hurt, but rather what those words mean to the receiver.

     The thing about intention is that it relies on the receivers' mental state. Remembering, that in the beginning we talked about how the 'Words Can Hurt' game preys on the ego and emotional insecurities. Therefore the more insecure or sensative the mind is that recieves the intention, the more vulnerable it is to being 'hurt'. Even if the intention was not to 'hurt', but the reciever perceives that it was, can cause the mind to act just as it would if the intention had been purposeful.

In other words, in order for words to 'hurt', the receiver must take possession of them. There must be mental ownership of what is being said to them. Otherwise, even with the most hostile of intentions, the words being said, will bounce off like a tennis ball on brick. As is the case with easy going or 'thick skinned' people. It is the sensative and emotional type that really let words kick their butts.

     Intention can be delivered in many different ways. In the heat of anger, not only are words cast forth with energy and passion, but they could possibly reveal deeply hidden feelings of the sender as well. True feelings are brought to the surface and they may not be what the receiver wanted to hear. Words spoken in anger are often regretted once the battle is over. Regrettable as one's words may turn out to be; if a sensitive reciever takes those words to heart, that reciever may fall into a victim mentality and allow those words to 'hurt' them.

     Intention can also be delivered with very little force at all.  A very common form of 'soft' intention would be sarcasm, or a delivery masked with humor. Whereas angry deliveries are aimed at the heart; 'soft' deliveries are more subtle and aimed at the mind, causing the receiver to have to think about what is being said. Thus allowing the words to filter in slowly, in an effort to avoid 'hurting' the feelings of someone too sensative to deal with straight forward communication.

Teasing, Verbal Bullying, and Verbal Abuse

     Teasing is a form of word play when among friends, especially very good friends. If they are good enough friends, words can be hurled back and forth with some pretty good force. Because the intention between them is only meant as playful strikes, and never to 'hurt'. The stronger the receivers, the tougher the game can get; thus allowing for very personal and wicked blows to be delivered. Only in this game, the tougher the blow, the more fun the game gets. Ultimately ending with no hard feelings between the players as they walk away still friends, never giving it a second thought.

     This is because in the recievers minds, they understand and accept that that the intention is play. Among friends; making fun of, teasing, or getting into a wit war with each other is actually a form of bonding or an acceptance of friendship. Generally non friends cannot usually get away with saying the same things to each other. However, sometimes even a friend can strike 'too close to home' and a receiver may take it to heart, and off we go.    

     Far and away, by a very large margin, the most 'hurtful' game in the 'Words Can Hurt' game is 'Verbal Bullying'.  Verbal Bullying is a form of teasing, but with bad intentions. To the very sensative, verbal bullying can become a very serious matter. Especially if done by a group in hateful fashion, or by someone with a secret that a receiver does not want revealed, but the sender reveals it anyway just to be 'hurtful'.

     Verbal Bullying strikes at emotional sensitivities repeatedly in order to make the bully feel superior. If a bully finds an opening in which they can stimulate a reation suitable to their purpose, they will attempt to exploit it until they can break the receiver down into a submissive position.  

     The easiest way to deal with a verbal bully is to ignore the whole action and show no reaction, by letting the words and intention roll off. Of course, this is easier said than done, because the ego makes a very large target. Nobody likes to look bad in front of others (if done publically); or in a one on one situation, any 'normal' person will naturally get angry and want to fight back, or get their feelings 'hurt'. However, if one is able to show no visible reaction to a bully, the bully will eventually move on to an easier, more vulnerable target.  

     If a person is the receiver of a sustained verbal attack, and succumbs to the attack to such a point that they become 'traumatized' by it, they then may be classified as a 'victim' of "Verbal Abuse".

     The term "Verbal Abuse" is rapidly becoming a popular buzz phrase because the word "Abuse" has the ability to create much more drama for the players in the Words Hurt game. Not only does the word "Abuse" suggest some sort of violent, tortureous action from the 'abuser', making them look more evil and wicked; but it creates an almost instant sympathy for the 'victim' from others within the 'victim's' circle, placing them more firmly on the 'victim's' side.

     The good news for the 'victim' is that once they get it in their minds that they have been 'verbally abused', especially if a therapist happens to 'diagnose' it for them, they pretty much get a blank check to wallow in their own self pity for having had to go through such a thing. Of course with that diagnosis therapists all over have lots of those same 'victims' laying on a couch and are capitilizing nicely it.

     Now, I have no doubt that there are many pissed off, indignant people right now, who are foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog over this chapter so far because they have absolutely been hurt, traumatized, or negatively affected by words, and it is completely real to them that words do hurt.

     There are also many (Especially those in the politically correct world) who will argue that throughout time words have absolutely caused depression, fights, suicides, wars, and multitudes of many other negative actions because of 'harmful' words. Not only will they argue that words can and do hurt, but history has proven to do so.

     In this, one is compelled to ask but one simple question:

Why do some people get hurt by words, but not others?  

The Words 'Victim'

     The answer to the "Why some, but not others?" question is: Because it's not the words that hurt. It is the mental state of the receiver that hurts them. Those that are 'hurt' by words are plainly and simply not mentally stable to begin with. If they were, the words would just bounce harmlessly off. Unfortunately, most people are so attached to their own insecurities, or to their own egos, that they are incapable of allowing this to happen.

     The ego tells us in order to exist we must live up to a certain standard, belong to a certain peir group, or be the best at whatever we are doing; because our ego insists that people must think of us in high regard. If something is stated to us contrary to this, especially in attack mode, our ego either tells us to get angry and defend our honor, or refers us over to our insecurity department so we can become a victim and people will feel sorry for us.

     In our insecurity department we store deep feelings of doubt about our own selves. Negative words merely reinforce these insecurities. They magnify beliefs of inferiority or unworthiness to such levels, that the emotions attached to them become so strong, they can easily overpower the insecure receiver. Who then becomes the affect of their emotions, rather than controlling them. And once an emotion starts taking over, insanity begins.

The Bottom Line

     The bottom line is that it is our own lack of understanding which causes words to 'hurt'; not the actual words. By now it should be clear that are products of our own minds; our own thoughts. Unfortunately, we get so caught up in the game that we forget, or have never learned that the solution to our pain is as easy as making one simple thought; a decision. The decision to let it go. To choose for it not to matter. Rather than choosing that it does.

     Some don't know that they can. Others, even after telling them how simple it is, would rather argue with you than try. Or tell you to leave them alone because they are not in to mood to hear it right now. Again, maybe because they don't believe it to be possible that it is so simple to do. Just as others may know deep down inside they can, they just don't care to make the mental effort.

     Unfortunately, the majority of people who are 'hurt' by words, don't want to leave the game. They stay in the game because they like the emotion of it. They like being the victim. They are comfortable in that place because it has become so natural for them to be there. So easy. Being a victim gives them cause. Cause for attention, cause for anger, or cause to feel sorry for themselves, or others to feel sorry for them. Cause then gives them an excuse. A justification for the action which is probably to follow.

     Of course, all of this is easier said than done. Unless someone already has a strong understanding that we have control of our own selves through thought, how are they to know? Having lived a lifetime of being caught up in the day to day dramas of life, our realities are already formed and well imbedded deep within us. Therefore, if we are 'hurt' by words, it is too late to change that.

Or is it?

     Actually, it is not too late to change. That is, if one wants to change. Again, the solution is simple. Make the decision to change. But before the decision to change can be made, one must have the desire to change.

     Then, one must change their reality. They must change their reality from words hurt, to words do not hurt. But how does one do this, when it is their reality that words do hurt? Well, the first thing one must do is have faith that it may be possible. If one forever believes it is not possible to bounce words out into the universe without them hurting, then they will always be hurt. Unless something drastic comes along to change their mind.

     Finally, when one has the desire to do this, and the faith it can be done, they must put it into practice. When they find they are being 'hurt' by a word or something someone has said to them, they must make the decision to let go of it. The funny thing is once we realize this can be done, it almost becomes comical to watch someone trying to hurt us. Once we have succeeded in turning words away, faith becomes reality.

That is it. If you still wish to argue about it, then finish this childs saying:

Sticks and stones will break my bones, but .......

Hmm, imagine that.